 |
The Hen Den
Christian Henry
leads the crew of three SJ Prep students trying to pick up where Hawk Talk
left off. Lots of pressure, eh? Chris is receiving help from
Matt Cardone and Matt Smith. L to R -- Matt Smith, Christian Henry, Matt Cardone.
|
NOV. 24
CATHOLIC RED FINAL
La Salle 14, SJ Prep 7
Well, it all came to realization early Saturday morning in
Trevose, Pa., as we ran into La Salle DT John McBurnie. He was hanging
out the window of his 2001 Ford Taurus screaming out, “Oh, yeah, the Champs are
here! McBurnie rules! Somebody call the wambulance, these Prep dudes be boo-hooin’.
McBurnie is an animal, McBurnie is an animal! Long live LaSalle. It’s a better
atmosphere with all dudes, man. Except those gold spooners rollin up in the
Mercedes. Me, I’m just fine with this beauty you're lookin' at right here. I
named him Mookie. What now? PCL Champs!” Our response was simple, John. That was
the longest quote we’ve ever heard by somebody driving by us at a fast pace.
He was taking Mookie to the shop at the time to have PCL Decal
pieces to go on his hub caps. His modest rancher in Trevose was decorated with
PCL Championship signs made by his Dad, John “Sideburns” McBurnie
(infamous for soaking Jack Forster’s game worn hand gloves post game to
be placed in the La Salle Hall of Fame, which ironically is located in the
McBurnie basement).
The game came down to one aspect: TURNOVERS. Remember the greased pig
Whitney used in Ohio on the final drive of the game? Well, Chris wanted revenge.
He came out firing with the greasiest pig of them all on the first possession.
Jr. RB Jamir Livingston (30-145) moved the ball well first an 13-yard run
to LaSalle’s 27 followed by a 16-yard rush to the 11. Whitney took off on the
next play and seemed to be approaching a quick 7-0 lead before the pig managed
his way out of Whit’s karate grip. After La Salle’s second three and out,
Whitney drove the Prep down to the 2. On an option keeper, Whitney bounced to
his left. Two La Salle defenders hit him and the ball popped out. LaSalle Sr. LB
Greg Frantz picked it up and went for a 96-yard touchdown.
Let’s say Mr. McBurnie was more than excited. La Salle legend
Joey Colistra knocked over Sideburns' bratwurst bucket, resulting in what is
being referred to as the famed “Sausage Skirmish -- the night we totally beat
the Prep and got revenge for that whole unaccepted thing.”
QB John Harrison (17-29, 175, TD) led La Salle’s second scoring drive
in the second quarter with a pass to Jr. WR Joe Migliarese (7-84). The
score was 14-0 and emotions were running low. The half would end this way after
a so. Mike Donohue interception of Whitney’s last second end zone heave.
In the third, the Prep would answer on all cylinders, on both sides of the
ball. Sr. LB Buster Ousley’s interception led the way for Livingston’s
score on an 18-yard Touchdown run making the game a 14-7 nail biter. If you’re
familiar with Head Coach Gil Brooks in recent years, the close score of
this game would have scared you as part of the Prep faithful. In 2004, the Prep
lost 14-13 in the Championship game against Cardinal O’Hara. In 2005, the Prep
fell to the Explorers-who-didn’t-get-into-The Prep on Thanksgiving by the same
score. Earlier in the season, the Prep fell twice by three points to Jersey’s
Don Bosco Prep and Ohio’s Hilliard-Davidson High School.
The game continued on the same path. The Prep would stall on successful
looking drives until late in the game. On a 1st and goal from the 2, coach
extraordinaire Drew Gordon called a pass play that resulted in Harrison
being flushed out of the pocket and threw an end-zone interception to Jr. DB
Greg Castillo. This drive resulted in a 4th and 9 from Prep’s territory.
Whitney dropped back and threw a bomb to Jr. WR Brett Tiagwad for what
seemed to be the turning point. Whitney then dropped back and threw a pick into
the hands of La Salle’s MVP (Middle-Aged Valuable Player) Jack “Of All Trade
Schools” Forster. The Prep would get the ball back late in the 4th quarter.
The drive would end though in a sack, and onto the field stormed the Explorer
faithful. As they stormed the field led by Super Fan Dennis McLaughlin, 3,000
popped collar shirts paraded with their fellow Sallies, which was weird because
there were only 500 people actually on the field. You do the Math.
The Prep’s Senior football class deserved this Championship. The
defeat was absolutely crushing. QB-DB Chris Whitney, MLB Neil Doogan,
DT Ryan Haber, OT-DT Jeff Battipaglia, OG John Gazzola, C
Joe D’Orazio, OG Adam Kasprzak, OT Pat McCarthy, OT Joe
“Big Red” McKendry, OLB Buster Ousley. DE Ross “The Boss” Drueding,
WR Brian “The Jungle Lion” Brinkman, TE Steve Schell, OG John
Mangan, WR Mike Neal. OT Jim Tatlow and WR Mark Doughty
gave their winters, summers, springs and falls to this football team and you
guys made the Prep proud. After the game TE Steve Schell approached me by saying
“My bad.” Not at all, Steve. You, along with every Senior member of this
football team, gave it your all and put it all out there. Seriously, guys, we
want to thank you as a part of the Prep and tell you this loss doesn’t matter to
anybody, we’re the best football team in this city and I’d love to see us in the
State Tournament. Give us another shot at La Salle, and they, alongside the rest
of Southeastern PA knows exactly what would happen.
We couldn’t give enough credit to La Salle’s players, and better
yet coaches. You played the perfect game. But everybody from La Salle who was
not on that field, acts like they ran that touchdown back and sacked Chris on
the final play. To Dennis: You’ll sing out the lyrics of "We Are the Champions,"
but when we beat you, nothing!? You are the biggest bunch of fair-weather fans
I’ve ever seen. You should all be embarrassed, first for not getting into the
Prep, but secondly you guys don’t know how to win or lose. You gloat when you
win and cry when you lose. We can handle the loss, stuff happens. You’ll never
be the Prep, and no matter how bad you deny it, you’ll always want to be. You
just don’t know it.
--Game Notes--
-- Chris Henry received an e-mail from an mcjoseph86
questioning the sexual orientation of a Prep player and implying Forster should
have gotten the MVP over Chris. Hey, buddy, if you’d like to talk about football
to us we’d love to hear it. Calling out someone isn’t also your best option
here. You disgraced La Salle in that e-mail, and if anybody would like to read
it the e-mail is contained on Facebook in the much coveted Hen Den group.
-- Absent from the game was La Salle Sr. Mike “Collared” Shertz, who Prep
seniors saw later that night at a concert, screaming the likes of “What Happened
dude? Happy G Love.” Rob Waitkus was seen in a Kairotic oitc mood. He and
Dennis went on La Salle’s Kairos 37-52. Back story: Guess what Saint Joe’s Prep
Kairos La Salle teachers and students attended with hopes to start the program
at their school? You got it: 37. So every time you guys think about your Kairos,
37-52, remember the first number and where you got it from.
-- LaSalle K Ryan Cain was heard chanting “MVP” while pointing downward
with his thumbs to the back of his jersey after the victory. Before the game,
Cain was quoted as saying, “Just wait to see me on the field, kicking that
winning field goal, man.” Well, we told enough Prep back stories, I figure we’d
give you some tales of Cain’s off season. Cain began each morning studying
Explorer kicking greats of the past. He ran miles on the beach outside of his
Stone Harbor, New Jersey, home. He’d then proceed to Ocean City high school,
where he would kick 1,000 field goals a day, concluding with the famed
“cinderblock boot”. Cain’s dad was a stickler, and his training session wouldn’t
end until the cinderblock kick was made. There wasn’t a day that went by when
Cain failed to sink the cinderblock through the goal posts. So anybody from
LaSalle who feels responsible for this win, you have a simple man to thank: Ryan
Cain, my Red Division MVP.
-- La Salle’s basketball season looks a little rainy for the Explorers. You guys
probably don’t want to show up. Wrestling season looks a little sunny so you
guys will go to that. Enjoy wrestling, fans. I look forward to seeing “La Salle
runs Wrestling” in your profiles if you guys win the title. I also look forward
to December 31 when we score 100 points against you and everybody acts like it
didn’t happen. Enjoy the fair weather.
-- The post game celebration ended back at the Forster residence, where the
legend of “The Indian” was truly brought out. Again guys, don’t try to be
us: It doesn’t work out. Do your own thing! Jack was seen watching highlight
tapes of his 2006 lacrosse season. He truly is a Jack-of-all-trades, and laxing
is just the next stop on his tour of destruction. Did we mention he’s 25? I
remember watching Jack back in the ’96 title game. His numbers were similar, and
La Salle brought home the title then too, and the legacy’s still goin’. We hear
Jack’s graduating in June. 14 years later, a career that will last a lifetime, a
legacy that will always live on. Thanks for the memories, Jack!
-- After the game, the SPCA had a run-in with La Salle Sr. C Bill Castelberg.
As it turns out, the La Salle athlete got a bit out of hand during Enemy
Eternal's guitarist OG Dan Connors' outlandish guitar solo when he bit
the head off of a live hawk. Subsequently, the Hawk ended up in the mouth of
John McBurnie, who was still "munch munching on Hawks brasky." La Salle
laxing legend and now PSU superstud Rob Forster was rumored to have
showed up to the party with the stunning Bergen Foley on his arm.
-- To John McBurnie, time to grow up.
-- Hail Denny, King of all Media!
-- As the football season comes to a close, we at the Hen Den would like to
thank our readers. It has truly been a pleasure to write these articles and make
as many jokes as possible in the middle of a great football season. We hope
we've made you laugh and we hope we lived up to the high standards Hawk Talk set
last year. To all of the players and coaches, thanks for making it fun for us
and for a great season to close our senior year with. To Coach Brooks, you
probably won’t read this but thanks for a great season. To all of our readers
who enjoy our article, it isn't over yet. We will be writing all throughout
basketball season as well. So all of you who crave our crazy off the wall
zingers we pass around on the field, we’re shooting them on over to the
hardwood! Basketball season awaits where La Salle Sr. C Rob Waitkus is
going to lead La Salle to yet another disappointing season on the hardwood. Sr.
PG Matt Griffin will lead the Hawks this year next to Jr. F Larry
Loughery. Pre-season prediction special: Prep BEATS Neumann-Goretti
at home, mark our words. I guess we’ll end our football writing careers with two
simple words: YEH, PREP!! Catch you on the hardwood, braskies.
NOV. 3
CATHOLIC RED
SJ Prep 41, O'Hara 7
“They got lucky man. We shouda won. Wait till the playoffs; we
are going to win it all.” These were the words of O’Hara QB Tom Savage
after the game (really a massacre) at Widener’s Quick Stadium on Friday
night. The Prep came into the game with a 47-game regular season winning streak
and turned it into an easy 48. The Lions however came in with a dazzling
overall record of 3-7. I guess Dan “the Builder”Algeo needs some new
bricks for next year.
Some “experts” thought the Lions would give the Hawks a little struggle,
since they were playing for a playoff berth. Well folks, that dream ended
really quickly because Prep QB Chris “I will beat Daryl Robinson out for MVP”
Whitney threw a bomb to Jr. WR Brett Tiagwad for a 82-yard TD
on the first offensive play of the game. That would set the tone for mostly the
entire game. The Prep scored on their next five possessions. Two of those
times came from FGs from Jr. K/WR Tim “Craig” Edger from 32 and 37
yards. He also contributed three catches for 61 yards.
Sr WR Brian “Hot Hands” Brinkmann was seen after the game signing
autographs to all the O’Hara receivers. We caught up with O‘Hara’s WR Chris
Smith, Brian’s biggest fan, who said, “I love how Brian catches them long
balls. He’s so good. Hey, did you see that new episode of Third Rock from the
Sun? ” TE Mark Wedderburn admitted to having a statuette of Brinkmann,
made purely of ivory. Brinkmann finished with 104 yards and two TDs. RB
Jamir Livingston was his usual All-Catholic self with two TDs and rushing
for 112 yards.
The defense in this game played as solid as any in the area. They held
the Lions offense in check the whole night and only let up one TD in the game.
The defensive leaders in this game were many. LB James “Buster” Ousley
had a team high of nine tackles, which included two sacks. DE Ross “The
Boss” Dreuding also had a sack on Savage which will be aired on Tom
Jackson’s JACKED UP this week. Ryan “Hollywood” Haber was also a
force on the line. O’Hara RB John Dempsey, a big Hen Den fan, was quoted
saying “ I just love Ryan’s calves. Did you see those calves? They are so big
and muscular. I wish I had calves like that. Hey, did you see that new episode
of Third Rock from the Sun?”
The O-line or famously named “Bully Row” was plowing through O’Hara’s
D-line all night. Sr. OG Adam “The Mongolian Magician” Kasprzak, Sr. OT
Jeff “Batts” Battipaglia, Sr.OG John “The Smartest Man Alive to Ever
Lift a Truck” Gazzola, Sr. C Joe “Its not Delivery, Its” D’Orazio,
Sr. OT Pat “I was made for the Hot Seat” McCarthy, and OT Joe “78”
McKendry. The O-Line is getting so much publicity including their
appearances in Jim Tatlow’s new feature film, aptly entitled “Show and
Tell.” The contract signings for the film were discussed over a delicious dish
of Won Ton Soup. O’Hara offensive lineman Jerry “Tuck Rule” Penrose was
interested in joining the cast due to his previous stint on “The Shield.”
Game Notes:
- This win over O’Hara marked another perfect regular season and a
forty-eight regular season game streak.
- The Prep has a bye this week.
- La Salle is set to play Cardinal O’Hara this weekend. Pre-game expectations
are that Tom Savage will lead the Lions to a crushing 31-7 defeat. O’Hara
student faithful Dave “Bananas” Aquino will flee the scene shedding tears
similar to those of Pat Curtin after his tragic text message fiasco.
- La Salle suffered another crushing defeat, raising the streak to three
consecutive losses. When asked about this recent string of defeats, John
McBurnie sped away in his 2001 Ford Taurus, screaming, “Dude, 14-13! That
turkey tasted great, dude!”
- Dennis McWho?
OCT. 21
CATHOLIC RED
SJ Prep 42, La Salle 14
What is it this Explorer offense can’t do? Apparently, they
can’t score more than two touchdowns against the Prep. The last three times the
Prep and La Salle have met, the explosive Explorer offense has scored two
touchdowns. In fact, La Salle hasn’t scored more than 14 points against the Prep
since 1999. Days are dark to be a student at La Salle. La Salle came into this
one 7-0 and the #2 team in Philadelphia (seriously?) and left with a 42-14
dismantling at the hands of the Hawks. The Rivalry’s back alright, and for the
next couple of months La Salle guys need only bury their popped collar shirt
wearing heads into the sand, because this weekend at the very best was
deflating/disheartening for the school on Cheltenham Ave.
Now I’m not going to lie here. The Prep faithful have a load of
respect for this La Salle team. You could tell by the reaction of the Prep fan
base after La Salle Jr. QB John Harrison marched his team down the field
ending with a 2 yard TD to Jack “Still Feeling Whitney’s Hit” Forster.
And on to Jack, the man’s absolutely, um, disliked by the entire Prep student
body and I’m not going to sugar coat that, but on his first two grabs of the
ball game Forster ran some really nice routes and had three big receptions,
concluding with the Touchdown. I must have missed his championship belt placing
ceremony; he kept it quiet and classy this game, probably due to illness looking
up at the scoreboard.
This game came down to one important factor: running the football.
Prep Jr. RB Jamir Livingston ran 34 times for 250 yards and 2 touchdowns,
while The Team That Didn’t Get Into the Prep ran the ball for (-25) rushing
yards. La Salle star rusher Chris Ashley filled up the stat sheet with 2
rushes for 0 yards; impressive, Chris. Livingston’s cutback speed was evident
all day. Running counters that he beat the linebackers inside on, and ran leads
that he bounced outside outrunning LaSalle defensive backs gaining 8, 9 yards a
run.
Prep Sr. QB Chris Whitney was asked after the game what he
felt about the win over La Salle, and he stated, “Yo, dudes, I was misquoted
about that Jenna thing last week. You left out together forever and she like got
the impression that her snuggle bunny was losing feeling, and that’s NOT true
man! Yo, you see me throw Forster today? It was sweet like the time me and Jenna
went ice skating and she was all about to fall and I was all ‘grab attack’ and
she was all, 'Chris, you’re the best quarterback in the state!!”
Well she’s right about one thing, Chris is definitely a snuggle
bunny. He’s also probably the best Quarterback in the state and the best we’ve
seen at the Prep. His elusiveness and running capability alongside of his pass
threat is what makes him so good. From the La Salle 7, Whitney dropped back,
spun off of a blitzing tackler, eluded two more La Salle defenders, and found
Jr. WR-K Tim “Ryan Cain’s Idol” Edger. Whitney went 4-4 for 121 yards and
2 touchdowns, one to Edger and another to Sr. TE-LB and game MVP James
“Buster” Ousley.
We feel the Bust doesn’t get enough ink time here at the Den. This
kid was money all day. I’m talking Pat McCarthy type money right before
he goes on the hot seat (hiyo!). Ousley was everywhere on the field, including
wide open on 2 receptions for 77 yards including the aforementioned touchdown.
Ousley made big plays all day in the La Salle backfield and had several open
field tackles. He’s interested in attending Navy.
When asked about being a Midshipman, Ousley commented, “Yeah, boats
are cool. Can I go now?”
Harrison did pass for 290 yards in this game and looked accurate
all day. Sr. WR Joe Migliarese had 5 catches for 96 yards while being
guarded by much smaller defenders, Jr. CBs Pat Jordan and Greg
Castillo. On a 4th and goal from the 5, Harrison dropped back looking for
Migliarese before Castillo jumped in and knocked the ball down, virtually ending
La Salle’s offensive chances on the day. La Salle pulled off the play of the
century trailing 35-7. Get this, Forster caught a ball over the middle planted a
stick of dynamite on the field, placed a jetpack on the ball, and sent it in the
direction of Ashley doing a double back flip at the 27 and in for the game
changing play of the day. Ashley called it, “Gnarly as anything!”
Brett Gordon, former La Salle QB and the city’s all time leading
passer, was seen telling a fan of his, who graduated with the Brettster in 1998,
about his days of dominating the Prep. He was overheard telling LaSalle parents
that when he was a senior, they went all “Dazed and Confused” on freshman at the
Prep, giving them what they called the paddle. Gordon was slammed with a penalty
for too many collars on the play. Gordon was infuriated at the sight of the
tasteless yellow flags clashing with the ref’s vertical stripe pattern. Gordon
was then ejected for trying to replace the flags with purple Armani ascots that
he claims are always in season. La Salle was killed with penalties all day,
wiping out big plays. Forster was slammed with an age infraction, 5 yards for
every extra year in high school (move on, Jack -- give the Penn State lax
following what they’ve been waiting for, the return to glory), and La Salle Sr.
DT John “Haber Envy” McBurnie was called for using too many “dudes” in
one sentence after arguing with refs. McBurnie left the game in his 2001 Ford
Taurus, affectionately called Mookie, and trust me folks, he was just
fine with it. Hopefully Mookie cheered him up after losing by 28 points .
. . Have we mentioned that?
The offensive line got mad street cred in this one after an on-air
TV performance highlighted by Adam “The Mongolian Magician” Kasprzak who
responded with, “Kaspie hatie Sallie! Kaspie likie stompie facies!” Sr. C Joe
D’Orazio, Sr. OT Jeff Battipaglia, Sr. OG John “Hahhvad” Gazzola,
Sr. OG Pat McCarthy “to the hot seat”, and Sr. OT Joe “Keep being
mistaken for Jim McKenzie” McKendry controlled the line in this one. Sr. DT
Dom Baker was controlled all game despite his need for an L.T. type
performance post-play.
This game shocked the Explorers worse than the time Chris
Whitney shocked Jenna with the brand new Pearl Jam CD he bought her. They
came into this game expecting to leave the best team in the city. Instead they,
along with the entire La Salle following, left the game embarrassed and
distraught, only hoping to make up for this weekend with a possible PCL
Championship meeting-I can only hope we meet again.
GAME NOTES:
-- After the game, the biggest win for student
morale in a long time at the Prep, "Head Coach" and "Prep Grad" Gil Brooks
Esq. '75 decided to make a statement of the following, "We have 900 kids at
our school, 700 of which are geeks." Yo, Gil, you don’t want student support at
football games? You got it. You want us to boycott the rest of this season? You
got it. The Hen Den is the voice of the people of the Prep and we're highly
disappointed, sir. Degrading a large part of our student body is going too far.
Misquote or not, calling out 700 students you have never met is distressing and
unprofessional. We have done nothing but support your football team. We have
never said a bad thing about you. Remember the time you ruined the season in
2004 by calling a hook and lateral in our own territory up by 6 points? The Prep
stood by you, no criticism necessary. This school is a brotherhood, and Mr.
Brooks, you spit right in the face of anybody who has ever called the Prep a
brotherhood. An elitist attitude of the Football team is NOT what this school is
about. I'd rather go 7-5 than have a coach who can say or do whatever he pleases
and insists on giving us a reputation like the one you're giving us now. I
applaud you on your coaching abilities; you're the best we could have. You
appear to have no loyalty, no respect, and no care for anything that is related
to the Prep outside of your football team. And by the way, we do have an
advantage and I'm not afraid to say that. The School is about more than
Football, though you probably haven't taken the time to notice. Come see a Prep
Play, or go on Kairos with some seniors who don't play your beloved sport, or
come to one of our Pep rallies and see the Pride that we have, not only in the
Football team, but the school. Or you can simply look back at the students
standing the stands cheering on our classmates, our brothers, geeks and
non-geeks a lot. You let us all down Mr. Brooks; I think it's time we at the
Prep get an apology.
-- OK, onto a much less serious topic. Actually, a joke topic: one La Salle
player, on a certain widespread website, posted that Whitney reminded him of
some kind of female dog if you get my drift. After the game on Saturday, I’d
like to hear your thoughts on Chris Whitney, and for that matter the rest
of the Prep team. We beat you, 42-14, my friend.
-- La Salle students: NO CLASS. Those were the words of a certain Prep faculty
member over cheers such as “Hugs and Kisses, From your Teachers”, and “Brokeback
Mountain” We didn’t hear you cheering on Friday when we played in the pickup
game (whole lot more on that later) or when Jamir ran all over you for 250
yards, or when we beat your Football team by 28 points, or when you guys failed
to get into the Prep. Yeah we can chant back… actually, no, we can’t. Thanks to
Asst. Dean Scott Mullen, our offensive cheers were held to a minimum.
It’s cool though, our football team did enough cheering of their own. We’re also
better than that. I also hear most of the student body is saying wait until the
Championship. Yeah we’ll wait, but until then, remember that time we stomped you
guys, BOTH days?
-- As Prep Jr. and baseball star Pat “Patty Cakes” Malloy was exiting the
confines of Wissahickon High School, the La Salle player bus pulled up beside
him and one seriously bellowed out, “What about Lacrosse bro?” To whatever
player that was, I hope you’re ashamed of yourself and embarrassed. Stick to a
real sport like football, unless you’re Jack Forster.
-- Dennis, if you have the courage to actually post a game article, I applaud
you on your unbiased journalism because I can’t imagine what you plan on saying,
or how you can defend this football team right now.
-- The Prep next looks to North Catholic on senior night. It’s bad timing that
an idiotic statement like this would keep Prep students from this game, and to
all the seniors we are truly sorry. Our Prediction: SJ Prep 0 North Catholic
0, until an apology comes our way.
Oct. 20
The game before the Game
SJ Prep 11 La Salle 1
Little Denny McLaughlin awoke
Friday morning under his Hot Wheels blanket, in his La Salle #67 Jersey, eye
black, black Nike spikes sticking out of the race car bed, pounded his
locker-style closet, and let out a “Let’s do this”. He looked to his right at
the photo of La Salle super laxer Jack Forster, as he kissed his palm and
placed it on his idol, and made a vow to wholeheartedly to destroy the Prep with
his entire being. He put on his cute blue sweater; you know the one with the big
“L” in the middle that his father and father’s father wore before him, and his
blue and gold striped La Salle tie awaiting the showdown of all showdowns. Prep
seniors were set to meet the LaSalle seniors in a pickup football game at Ogontz
park in Elkins Park, PA. The stage was set for a battle of epic proportions, a
preview of what was about to go down the proceeding day. This was a battle of
two Tedsilary.com writing tandems, Dennis McLaughlin and Chris Grady
taking on Matt Cardone and Matt Smith. La Salle Sr. Dylan Leighton
was heard shouting before the game, “If I get hurt, my Dad’s gonna freak you
guys! Anybody who tackles hard or touches above the neck is getting suspended
from this game indefinitely!” Dennis McLaughlin was told prior to the game that
he would be unavailable for disciplinary reasons. Well La Salle dean, here’s to
you. Instead, La Salle Sr. Mike “Collared” Shertz took over the team and
was set to play second string line and insisted on yelling “Lay off the shirt
dudes, it’s totally rugbied,” every play where contact found his masculine upper
body. This game took a turn for the worse when Prep Sr. rowing all-star, along
with being a scary threat to all mankind, and boxer Dan Morson decided on
playing last minute. Intimidation mounted for the Explorer team as they noticed
Brian “Hardest Kid Alive” Klarich was on the sideline. They were then
relieved that he had not suited up. La Salle senior Rob Waitkus did
absolutely nothing, and I mean that in every sense of the word nothing.
Oh the game, the game was an absolute joke; we stopped the game
early because we were beating them so badly. Srs. Brian Kueny, Gerald
McNeil, lineman John Lalor and Matt “Baseball Captain and future
Marine” Fischer, Mike “All American Rower” Gennaro (2 TD catches),
Pat McDowell, WR Sean McNulty, LB Frank “Concussed” Weber
and QB Pat “Grimy” Krimm along with Hen Den writer Matt Smith (2
catches, estimated 53 yards, 1 pancake block, 1 extra hot girlfriend) led the
way for the Hawk team. For La Salle, they had no leaders, just sorry excuses for
football players. Sorry, guys, but I’m speaking the truth. Friday was a bad day
for any La Salle football player. Their lone touchdown was on a turnover. The
game got to 7-0 before a mercy rule was brought up. Thanks to the Sallies for
actually showing up in this one and losing to a bunch of Geeks so badly. Rumors
of a rematch are looming around the halls of the Prep, with hysterical laughter
quickly following. I’m sure we’ll win by another 10 touchdowns. It’s not
cockiness, but pure confidence. The Prep made a statement to LaSalle this
weekend: stay out of our way and stay out of our league. We embarrassed you,
tore you to shreds, and you shut you up about that whole Thanksgiving fluke.
Stick to swimming, tennis, and lacrosse, Sallies, you can’t hang in a real
sport. The Prep is the Prep, geeky or not, beating La Salle is just something we
do now. Oh victory is just so sweet.
OCT. 14
CATHOLIC RED
SJ Prep 24, Judge 0
The calm before the storm. That is the best way to describe
Saturday night’s football game between Prep and Judge in Plymouth Meeting. The
calm is being referred to the shutout victory for the Prep, the storm a symbol
for the showdown with our rivals this weekend. The Prep opened this one slowly;
Prep Sr. WR Brian Brinkmann had zero special teams touchdowns and Prep
Sr. QB Chris Whitney played without red blood cells causing the first
half of the game a scare for Prep fans.
Prep Jr. RB Jamir Livingston ran for 153 yards and two
scores, including the lone first half touchdown. Jamir, in a fit of rage, spiked
the ball violently after his 52 yard TD scamper causing the entire Judge
sidelines to erupt. Prep Sr. OT Joe McKendry tackled Judge Jr, LB
Chris Dowling, causing Prep Jr. WR Anthony “Scoop” Harris taking off
his helmet and violently swinging it at Judge players. Prep Jr. DB Jim
McGoldrick was seen stomping with his cleats on the back of Judge Sr. DB
Joe Thompson. Both benches cleared in a Neumannic/ Romanistic like scene and
even former Saint G Derrick “DJ” Rivera (now at St. Joe’s) was seen
taking off his shirt, much to the approval of his mother,; former standout RB
Curtis “Boonah” Brinkley (now at Syracuse) was seen getting in Jamir’s face
threatening him with slurs about being the best under 5 feet back in Catholic
League History. Tedsilary.com legend Tom “Hockey Puck” McKenna got in on
the action and all hell erupted. Even former Prep freshman Brett “Leave it
to” Weaver got in this one, getting in the face of Whitney and claiming he
was the future of the Prep quarterback spot before Whitney abruptly took his
spot. It got ugly quick, yet suspensions were minimal and the game continued.
In the second half, Prep Sr. QB Chris Whitney quickly took
over the game with his Vick-like ground performance. After the game, Chris was
asked about the Judge defensive struggle in the first half. Chris responded with
“I don’t know, man, I just love Jenna. She’s my baby and all.” Chris was later
quoted as saying “Jack Forster, more like Jack Borester.” Good one Chris, but
leave the wittiness up to the Hen Den guys for now, stick to Football and Calc.,
ok superstar. The drive was capped off by another Livingston touchdown, this
time keeping his cool, and went all Barry Sanders class on the Judge defense.
After a FG that was good by K Tim “I want Ryan Cain in a kick-off” Edger,
and an adorable touchdown by Brian Brinkmann on an 18 yard pass from "Whit", the
game was as good as over with a 24-0 Hawk lead.
Prep Sr. C Joe D’Orazio led the offensive line (blame our
minds, not our hearts Joe), he totaled a number of “short stack” pancakes as he
likes to call them. For the common reader those are double pancakes, knocking
two men to the ground at once, and telling them he shows no mercy. In his free
time, Joe enjoys playing Madden 2007, playing with dog Mr. Nickels,
project runway, bathing in what is called by the team as “Rice Kaspie Treats”,
and frequent Sunday “Frolf” sessions with Head Coach Gil Brooks. Joe is
interested in Georgetown, Villanova, and Boston College, among others.
The victory was a hard fought, out of the ordinary game in which
the Prep defense posted his third shutout in four games in Catholic league
play. Judge WR Tom Hayes was not available for this one. With Tom in
the game this one would have been different. Shapeup much?
GAME NOTES:
-Sallie QB John Harrison left the Explorer’s game Saturday against Msgr.
Bonner with a sudden case of the pre-Prep jitters. Jack “Of all trades
including super Laxing” Forster stepped in at Quarterback, picking up the
win before his social security check on the way home from the victory. I look
forward to seeing Jack behind center this Saturday, if Harrison’s Prep game
jitters keep up.
-Congrats to Cardinal O’Hara for picking up their first win in the Catholic
League Saturday in a 14-13 shocker over Ryan. O’Hara Soph. QB Tom Savage
celebrated his Super Sweet Sixteen on Saturday Night after the game. It featured
an appearance by Hen Den website legend Ron Popeil on one of his patented
John Deere low-rider lawnie given to Tom by his dad, Earnest Savage, and awesome
former Haverford School QB Bryan Savage. Tom was in tears after telling
his dad to shut it and he didn’t want to see his face. Distant cousins Ben
and Fred Savage were in attendance in flashy leather and Ben’s 2006 Ford
Taurus. Tom called it “Mega Killa.”
-Well it’s getting pretty close to that time of the year: Prep-LaSalle. The
festivities kick off in the Prep’s senior parking lot on Friday with a pep rally
run by Prep baseball captain Matt Fischer. Then it’s off to Ogontz park
for what’s being called “the massacre” by some Prep students. Next, it’s
Dennis McLaughlin’s house for his Mom’s patented lemon squares and juice
brought by the Forster family. Saturday morning kicks off the tailgate of the
century in the parking lot of Wissahickon High School at 9 a.m., all La Salle
girls invited.
-All week in school, Prep students have been wearing “Beat LaSalle” ties,
concluding with Friday’s student section shirts being worn by the entire school.
A game hasn’t been this big in a long time at the Prep, and the entire student
body is ready for this.
-Prep QB Chris Whitney is going to be the best player on the field on Saturday,
it’s non debatable. Jack Forster will lead the Explorers. At the least, La Salle
K Ryan Cain seems to be doing the most talking of the La Salle students.
So it’s LaSalle vs. The Prep, “The Pack” vs. “The Militia” -- a rematch of
Thanksgiving on the day that this rivalry changed. Our Prediction: SJ Prep 21-0.
Sr. DT Ryan Haber and MLB Neil Doogan lead the way on Saturday,
while Sr. RB Chris Ashley and Harrison find out what this Prep team is
all about. We’ll see you there, Sallies!
OCT. 7
CATHOLIC RED
SJ Prep 55, Bonner 0
Week after week, Prep Sr. WR Brian Brinkmann surprises
more people in the Philadelphia Catholic League. Saturday night in West Oak
Lane/Mt. Airy (Germantown's field; wherever it is), Brinkmann returned the
opening kickoff for a touchdown. Followed by a Bonner 3 and out, Brinkmann
returned that punt 60 yards for his second score in as many touches. Since you
already know about Brian’s troubling past, his determination and tenacity should
not come as a surprise to you. What should come as a surprise is Brian’s
breakaway speed and elusiveness complimenting his 4’6” 107 lb. body frame.
After Brinkmann’s special teams heroics, Prep Sr. QB Chris
“Catholic League Red MVP No-Doubts-About-It” Whitney threw twice in the
first quarter for two scores. The eventual All American (no passing statistics
needed, watch his highlight tapes Denny), hit Jr. WR Brett Tiagwad and
Brinkmann making a quick 28-0 lead for Old Saint Joe’s. This, too, came as no
surprise when it was revealed Bonner actually put out the 2005 Blue-Gold CYO All
Star team on the field. The Friars seem to be the USC recruiting-wise of the
event, but everything seems to fall apart by Varsity football and the coaches
get blamed. I feel for you, coaches.
The Prep defense posted its second shutout in three tries in the
Catholic league season. Leading the defense was Sr. DT Ryan “I’d rip any
player wearing blue and gold limb from limb whenever I wanted to” Haber, Sr.
MLB Neil “Nah dude LaSalle’s a good team” Doogan (such a nice guy next to
being a stellar student), So. LB Mike Pereira, who also scored on a run,
and even Jr. DB Paul Fitzgerald came down with a pick in this one. The
Prep’s D showed all night its true potential. I know what you’re thinking,
Bonner’s offense isn’t exactly Manning and the Colts’ offense this year, but
speed combined with size is scary no matter the opposition. Doogan is a player,
and by player I’m talking Michigan caliber. Yes, Doogan has sat and chatted with
Wolverine head coach Lloyd Carr at a summer camp, and eventually an offer
might be seen with Doogan’s name on it. Doogan has the size of a big time
college linebacker, and the potential to be a goodie. I read somewhere in an
article that another Catholic League defensive tackle is “better than Haber. “ I
mean I don’t know, I’ve never even heard of the player mentioned and even if I
have, he doesn’t have the size-speed combo that Haber has. Haber runs a 4.74 40
yard dash, no joke, along side being 6’2” 267 lbs. (intimidated much?), Haber
has the speed combined with ridiculous strength (that’s an understatement) to
dominate any line and run down any quarterback he faces, even ones with 16
touchdown passes only because he throws every 2 out of 3 plays. If there is a
more college-qualified duo on the defensive side of the ball in this city than
Doogan and Haber, I haven’t heard of them and would love to see them play.
The Prep’s offensive line in this game, let’s just say, had a good
time at IHOP (hiyo, pancake much?). If we haven’t discussed the offensive line
this year (smile), they’re pretty big. With a committed Sr. OG John Gazzola
to Harvard, Sr. OT Jeff Battipaglia coming down to Army and Navy, Sr. OT
Joe McKendry interested in a number of schools such as Georgetown,
Catholic University, and Penn, Sr. OG Adam Kasprzak is a 3.86 student and
the first Mongolian football player in Catholic League history, and Sr. OT
Pat McCarthy who loves surfing the web along side of hours of studying
(wink, wink), this offensive line is far from your stereotypical O-Line. How’d
they get so smart? Well, reader, I’m glad you asked that. Prep offensive line
coach Carton Rogers, an offensive lineman for the ’99 SJ Prep team and
Penn Grad who was noted on this site for his mega-fashionable sunglasses and
stunning good looks, recently opened Carton’s Kids, a study group located
on Penn’s campus for players who are ridiculously over sized high school
students and rip through buffets like Jack Forster rips through Lacrosse nets
(we’re huge fans man, Penn State lax is on its way back!!!). Here at Carton’s
Kids, challenging academics (yes, including Math you computer genius La Salle
writers) along side with coping with irregular bowel movement cycles (Pat), play
a huge part in the Carton’s Kids process. “It’s totally sweet, Kaspie likie,”
said Kasprzak, whose secret admirer and biggest fan is a certain Explore This
writer whose last name is not the same as student council Vice President
Galen Grady; for the sake of anonymity let’s call him Dennis M.
So. Mike Yeager was impressive on 12 carries for 196 yards
and a touchdown. Mike looks to be the future of the Prep running game, along
with Periera, after the graduation of Jr. RB Jamir Livingston, who missed
the game due to a pulled hamstring, he’s probable for next week. Probable to
score mad hot chicks dude! Zing! He hopes to play in the Judge game next week.
GAME NOTES:
--Congratulations to Cardinal O’Hara RB John Dempsey, who committed
to Villanova. We feel you’ll fit in there, seriously. Your running style will
fit in well there. LaSalle coach Drew Gordon, former Villanova player,
plans on totally partying with you, dude! He’s totally fashionable!
--To Dennis, about the whole “demolish” scenario in the previous Hen Den, you’re
right. You did win by 21 points, we won by 19. Ours was a “demolition”
considering we’re the defending Philadelphia Catholic League Champions. Remember
that time we beat O’Hara, 41-7. I’m glad to hear you all feel good about the 21
point victory over the Father Judge boys.
--And secondly, we clearly knew the author of these books considering we wrote
them down. You might as well have said you clearly knew the math that’s why you
wrote it down. And who is Chris Grady? Sweet voice, dude. You’re in
Dennis’ shadow. I hear you write for the paper. In your next article, tell
everybody from La Salle who won the PCL Championship last year. Good luck on
finishing the Metamorphosis,
you can read that next to your SJ Prep admissions letter, if you got one big
guy. Eh?
--Remember that time you guys got into the Prep? Siiiike.
--Dennis, I’m glad you can come at us on one of our clearly weaker articles.
When we call you out on your nicknames, you tell us we’re not funny. But the
second this Kevin Turk kid steps in, you guys get feisty.
--And onto another thing, the day before THE SHOWDOWN (Prep-LaSalle on October
21), Dennis McGlaughlin and his pals will play in a pickup football game the day
before against Matt Smith and company. Have mercy on your souls, and if you’re
ok with it I plan on us both writing game reports for both the actual game, and
our pickup game.
--Sallies aside, the Prep next looks to Father Judge on Saturday night. Our
Prediction: 41-0. Jamir has 4 touchdowns, and Whitney plays like the All
American that he is.
P.S. “Explore This” was the slogan of the 2002 Prep students t-shirt for the
LaSalle Thanksgiving game. RB Pat Kaiser ran for 119 yards, winning 24-3.
We didn’t need a parade like you guys, once again, we won the Catholic League
Championship that year too.
SEPT. 30
CATHOLIC RED
SJ Prep 31, Ryan 12
“Takin' care of business.
On gameday. Takin' Care of Business. Every play, They've been takin care of
business, They're sublime! Takin' care of business, they don't need overtime.”
These were the infamous Prep fans to
describe the Prep 2003 team which went undefeated in Red Division play that
year. Those words can now describe this team as the Prep demolished Archbishop
Ryan 31-12 in the “Great Northeast.”
The Prep started out with Sr. QB Chris Whitney hitting Sr.WR
Brian “The Baby Lion” Brinkmann with a 23 yard pass that had the 10 people
in the stands going crazy. From there Jr. Rb Jamir Livingston went in
with the TD. This drive was due in part to the astounding protection of the
intimidating but teddy-bearish tandem of Jeff “Batts” Battipaglia and
John “Gazz” Gazzola. Whitney’s protection recalls memories of another great
football tandem, Jamal Jackson and Jumbo the Sumo Wrestling Tackle of America’s
favorite sports movie, “The Replacements.”
The looks of the Ryan fan base were so…. wait there were no fans on
the Ryan side. It was rumored that they were searching the streets for
a girlfriend-stealing Prep kid, who was unable to be seen among the 400
screaming Ryan girls which encircled him.
The defense was all over the field in the first half wreaking havoc
and mayhem, similar to the daily routine of Mr. Scott “Lemmiwinks”
Mullen. Ryan tried to start a successful drive, but Ryan QB Rus
“Sergeant” Slawter threw an interception to Jr. DB Greg Castillo. On
Prep’s offensive drive, Whitney decided to take it himself for a score making it
14-0. As America’s favorite coach Jimmy McGinty says, “Winners always
want the ball when the game is on the line.” You just made Gene Hackman a
proud man, Chris.
The second quarter would spell success for the Prep as well, as the
defense fought to keep Ryan out of the end zone. In the meantime, Whitney
managed to hit Sr. TE Steve Schell for another Prep score. Another Prep
drive ended successfully with a field goal from K Tim Edger. The score
now stood 24-0 at half time.
The second half showed an opportunity for the sub players to show their
stuff on the field. In the fourth quarter, So. FB Mike Pereira exhibited
Dooganesque power and speed for an 11 yard TD run. This made the score 31-0 in
favor of the Prep. Later in the quarter, Ryan returned an errant pass for a
touchdown, while missing the extra point, to make the score 31-6. Ryan would
score before the final buzzer, making the final score 31-12. The prediction made
on the score was fairly accurate.
Game notes:
-- La Salle won another tight game against Father Judge 35-14. We would just
like to extend congratulations to Dennis McLaughlin and Chris Grady
for such a successful season. But listen, fellas, had I known you were called
all of the nicknames at one point or another I would’ve noted it. Also, Hen Den
apologizes for not being funny as Explore This. For the next article, we will
get beloved author of such humorous and silly anecdotes as “Dogzilla” and
“Captain Underpants,” Dav Pilkey, to write our game report. We hope this
is more understandable to the Explore This fans (Chris and Dennis) who are upset
with our humor. But seriously, BiffGloc, get some support from your own fans.
-- This Sunday marks the return of Terrell Owens to Lincoln Financial
Field. This is a call to duty for every Eagles fan in attendance to boo at
maximum potential. But in the words of Dalton from Roadhouse, “Be nice.”
-- Cardinal O’Hara managed to pick up yet another loss last weekend to North
Catholic, who hasn’t won a Red Game since 2000. Tom Savage will lead the
lions this weekend against LaSalle at Springfield-Delco on Sun. Maybe Mark Muto
can help the Lions pull an upset over LaSalle. Maybe John Harrison will
get over his recent case of tetanus. Who knows, we will just have to wait and
see. Now for the corny shout out courtesy of Christian Henry.
-- Hen Den writer, Christian Henry, took a visit up to Radnor to see a
Ridley/Radnor game. The game was definitely the dullest game he had ever
attended. Even duller than a LaSalle dance. The highlight of the game was
seeing Ridley cheerleader, Carolyn Haschak, who was by far the one of the
most talented and beautiful cheerleaders on the team and should have been the
homecoming queen of Ridley High School.
P.S. It’s Galen, not Chris.
SEPT. 16
NON-LEAGUE
KIRK HERBSTREIT CLASSIC II
Hilliard Davidson 17, SJ Prep 14
“I’m getting pretty sick of these setbacks.”
In the mainstream Kirk Herbstreit “Ohio vs. USA” Challenge, the
Hawks of St. Joe’s Prep took on the Wildcats of Hilliard Davidson High School.
In the second in as many weeks, the Hawks lost a heartbreaking game by a field
goal.
This game was to be set in the pleasant town of Massillon, Ohio, notorious
for its world-famous apple turnovers (These people were pathetic). As Hilliard
fans entered the Prep’s student section, chants of “stuck in Ohio” roared
through the tractor-ridden air, fuming with stench of eighteen wheelers and
tricked out John Deere low-ride “‘lawnies” paid in part by famous Massillon
native Ron Popeil, immortalized for his invention of the Showtime
Rotisserie Grill, in the literal definition of the middle-of-nowhere.
The tragic ending stunned the 100-plus student faithful that took the eight
hour bus ride, similar to antics of Philadelphia’s most impressive student
rooters “The Pit”, who took time out of their swimming class filled days and
took the treacherous trip all the way to Widener University and c’mon had a free
bbq and bus!!! These kids are nuts! (They’re also pathetic.) The game’s winding
moments came down to the Prep trailing Hilliard, 17-14, after Wildcat QB
Connor Dietze (not to be confused with former Prep star Running back Sam
“Bearded Blunder” Deitch, the city’s all time leading rusher and head of the
Prep’s community service program). On the kickoff, RB Jamir Livingston
(24-183, TD) allowed the ball to slip through his hands and bounced it perfectly
to Sr. WR Brian Brinkmann who returned it to the Wildcat 34. On third
down, Brinkmann made a spectacular catch at the 20 setting up the Prep in field
goal range, followed by Jr. WR/K Tim Edger (more on him later) catching a
pass at the 13 setting up a 3rd down and 3. Whitney was flushed out of the
pocket and decided to take off and after a stop at the ‘Cats 12, Whitney was hit
late setting up a 1st and Goal from the 6 with a little over a minute remaining.
So I know what you’re thinking, the Hawks have this game in the bag right?
Livingston ran up and down on the Wildcats defense to a tune of 7.6 yards per
carry. A handoff or two from the 6 should put the Hawks into the end zone and
the win is as good as theirs. Except, other thoughts came from the Prep’s
coaching staff. Whitney decided to substitute the football with a greased pig
(just for laughs) and twice the ball slipped through the hands of Timmy Edger.
On third down, Whitney rolled right, rolled left, and rolled right again before
being hit at the 5 by a number of Wildcats. So on comes Edger with another game
on the line that comes down to kicking. A 24-yard field goal missed left and
yes, the Prep faithful went into a stunned sitting down position.
The Hilliard offense was nothing but option run. Their passing game was about
as existent as Pat Curtin’s pearly whites. Dietze, a prototype candy arm,
threw two passes on the day; one on the first play and another into the end zone
for a 5 yard score
On the Hilliard Davidson game-winning drive, on a 4th and 1 from midfield,
the Prep student section, Prep parents, Prep Assistant Dean Scott Mullen, and PA
announcer Chip Dolan announced the Wildcats planned on running a fake punt, a
play that haunted the Prep in Ramsey a week ago. With their backs on the line
and a fake punt oncoming, out marched punt block team all stars So. OG Robert
“Beans” Lorello, Sr. DT Vince Hegarty, Tom “Hockey Puck” McKenna,
Sr. WR Dustin “Golddust” Runnels (remember the name), Jr. OT Janet
Reno, Sr. DB David Schwimmer, and punt block specialist and MTV
transfer Daria. Much to the fans and general public’s surprise the Cats
succeeded bringing the ball into Hawk territory and the rest was history.
Whitney and Livingston were both impressive again along with stellar
defensive play from Sr. MLB “Real Deal” Neil Doogan, Sr. DT
Ryan Haber, and LB’s Sr. James “Buster” Ousley and So. Mike
Pereira. Livingston rushed in from 2 and Edger scored on a pass from
Whitney. Jr. WR Brett Tiagwad also made a big reception. If anything,
this game was a learning experience for the Hawks. In a day that consisted of a
number of nationally ranked teams, the Prep’s part in it was truly a compliment
to coach Gil Brooks and the program. The team now goes into league play and
hopes to bounce back strong after a road test where the hawks played impressive
football in both games. I don’t intend to write as a biased writer with a
conflict of interest (thanks Mr. Whelan), so I don’t want to write the
Hawks are a clear favorite to repeat, but this team is as good as any we’ve had
in the past. Plan on the Hawks being a major problem for a couple of teams in
league play due to their combination of size and speed. The Prep’s offensive
line consists of 6 monstrous seniors; OT Jeff Battipaglia (6’5” 260), OG
John Gazzola (6’5” 260, committed to Harvard), C Joe D’Orazio
(6’3” 252), OG Adam Kasprzak (6’1” 257), OT Joe McKendry (6’6”
275), and OT Pat McCarthy (5’11” 283).
-In response to this latest edition of “Explore This,” there are a few errors
and corrections I would like to point out. We aren’t a ripoff of Hawk Talk. I
highly doubt Adam Ferrone and Pat Murphy invented the mixture of
humor and sports writing.
-The Hen Den realizes the coincidence that a hen is a female chicken, however,
we would like to point out that h, e and n are the first three letters of the
writer’s last name. (Henry). Also, we would like to point out that this was in
fact redundant, seeing as a chicken is already a female. If you would like to
play that game, a rooster is the male version of a chicken.
-The group that is the Hen Den did not forget Jack Forster's catch in
last year's Thanksgiving game. We must have missed his performance the following
week when the Prep beat O'Hara in the finals 41-7. We're unsure of how Jack did
in this game. The title was our 4th out of the last 5 years, and the Explorers
have yet to reach a Catholic League final in the 21st century. But seriously,
Jack, kudos on giving the entire LaSalle student body something to tell their
grandchildren about, because chances are a Thanksgiving loss doesn't seem
evident down the line.
-In addition, I offer my most sincere apologies to all Dennis' Prep friends who
don't think this thing will get any better. However, I would like to have some
accounts of these statements from you, Dennis. If it is indeed true you have
Prep friends, and true that they said this, please inform us and let us know
who. Also Dennis, Lyndon Powell doesn’t count. He has hated the Prep
since day one of his short stay there. Curse you, Lyndon Powell. If
you're going on Brendan Reilly's statements to you about this article,
they were given before it even came out. He said he enjoyed the article and is
on our side, not yours. But you can go to him for that, since you guys are
buddies.
-During halftime of the struggle in Ohio, the Prep faithful were treated to a
riveting and timeless speech by Matt Battipaglia, brother of OL Jeff. An
avid Prep fan may remember that Matt was a member of the 2000 Prep squad, who
went on to play for Dartmouth. It truly got the fans in the mood for hearing
Jim Fenningham deliver the traditional William Wallace halftime speech.
-The Prep will get back into league play this Saturday night. The Hawks will
take on the Cahillites, named after the founder of the school and inventor of
the shutout (hint hint), Thomas Cahill, of Roman Catholic at Plymouth Whitemarsh.
The Prep team will be happy to play a game on their home soil, and it is our
belief that the score will reflect this joy. Sr. stud DB Dom Joseph of
Roman will not be able to stop the monster that is the Prep offense. Final
score: 58 – 0 in favor of the Prep.
-It has been rumored that Brandon “B-POW” Powell will be making an
appearance at this Saturday’s game. If you were on the fence about going to this
game at all, that should be reason enough to go.
P.S. Don't throw stones if you live in a glass Alf, Dennis.
P.P.S. It is a sin to steal Christmas.
SEPT. 8
NON-LEAGUE
Don Bosco (N.J.) 31, SJ Prep 28
“Setbacks pave the way to glory”
St. Joe’s Prep took a trip over to North Jersey; Ramsey, the murder
capital of the world, to be exact. Of course, this was the largely televised
game on ESPN U. For all the 20 people that have DirecTV, this was a must-see
event. Coming into this game, our beloved Hawks were ranked #5 in the East in
USA Today’s preseason rankings, while Don Bosco Prep came in as #6 in the same
poll. The Ironmen of Ramsey came into the game with stars QB Matt Simms,
younger brother of Chris Simms and don of disappointed father Phil Simms,
and monster OT and DE Justin Trattou, a Notre Dame commit.
This battle of epic proportions featured 2 dominant forces in the
position of quarterback. The generously measured 6’3”, 205 lb. titan Matt
“Daddy Doesn’t Love Me” Simms was the starting quarterback for the Bosco
squad, while the MVP himself, senior Chris Whitney, stood behind center
for the Prep.
Prior to the game, the Prep kids disembarked from their bus with
great hopes. Greeted by visions of tight Hollister shirts and Armani purses, the
Prep students marched their way through the male contingent of the Bosco fans.
The conservative North Jersey masses quickly stopped their conversations once
the fans from the ghetto of North Philly climbed off of their Coach stallion
headed by Student Council President Steve Wood. Dinners were provided,
and the Prep fans, greatly outnumbered, filled the stands.
The game began with a quick bang and silenced the dull roar that
was the Don Bosco fan section. The Prep opened the game with an 83-yard drive in
only 5 plays for the score by junior Jamir Livingston. However, the Prep
could not convert due to a snap gone awry. You would think the Bosco fans had
lost the keys to their Chrysler 300’s from the look of sadness after the drive.
The first half was truly one of the finest defensive halves in
recent memory. DT Ryan “The Lion” Haber led the defense to a successful
string of stops that had Matt Simms taking more hits than Sean “Boston” Attia
at the Drum Circle. They had a stellar offensive production of 34 yards.
Prep pride was at a maximum that evening. Even when the Don Bosco
speakers emitted the raging applause of millions, the Prep outshined the
competition. Nearing the end of the first half, the Bosco fans were frightened
when the fence of their beloved iron stands collapsed onto the field, and
crashing right after it came about 30 Prep fans, including newly hired assistant
principal, Joseph Nawn, uncle of the proud Malvern Prep Senior John
Nawn, who had just come off the new Prep record for most JUGs in a half hour
with an astounding 46.
The second half kicked off to Don Bosco, and the Prep defensive
front found Matt Simms on the ground more than Jack “Does About As
Much As His Idol Freddy Mitchell” Forster. The Prep defense would hold the
Ironmen to 4th down near midfield before a fake punt found the Prep’s backs
against the wall midway through the 3rd quarter. The drive would lead to a
touchdown and a 7-6 Don Bosco lead. The Bosco fans were gloating, that is, until
Chris Whitney shut them up with a drive of his own. Ladies and gentlemen,
not since the days of Larry Csonka have I seen a run so beautifully
executed. He slipped not one, but seven tackles in a 74 yard scramble for the
score. The mascara ridden tears streamed down the Don Bosco faithful’s faces
after Whitney converted the point conversion as well.
The horrors for Don Bosco didn’t only end on their defensive
series, their next offensive series ended in a nightmare, courtesy of junior
Jim McGoldrick. Matt Simms’s lame excuse for a deep ball was snatched by
McGoldrick like Mark Carissimi snatches them bills. The interception
was returned to the 14 yard line. It was all downhill from there as Jamir
Livingston pounded the ball up the middle for the score. The score now stood
Prep 21 – Bosco 7. End of Quarter 3.
The fourth quarter, however, spelled disaster for Mother Prep. As
Matt Simms finally realized that the job of a quarterback was in fact to
throw to his own team, he connected for a 13 yard touchdown pass with an Ironman,
not a Hawk. On the Prep’s offensive series, sixth-year Dale “Mailman” Fava
intercepted an errant pass by Whitney and returned it for a
touchdown. Prep 21 – Bosco 21.
However, the Prep would not allow the momentum to remain in Bosco’s
favor for too long, as Whitney hit senior wide-out Brian “The Baby
Lion” Brinkmann for a 59 yard strike. But, Bosco responded with a 68 yard
touchdown drive of their own. The game stood knotted 28 apiece.
On the next Prep series, the offensive line faltered and this time
Whitney was not able to shed tackles as Bosco forced a fumble and regained
possession the Hawks 22 yard line. Apparently, within that time, it was not only
the Prep’s offensive line that faltered, but the officiating broke down as well.
On the very next play, Bosco runningback Dillon “Neither Ned nor Brian”
Romaine had his own trouble holding onto the ball due to the melted butter
residue left on his fingers from chowing down on some popcorn on the sidelines.
However, officials ruled that Romaine was indeed down on the play. This
set up the game-winning field goal, courtesy of Bosco kicker Brian Hanly.
Final score: Bosco 31 – Prep 28.
Game Notes:
After La Salle’s thrilling 40-0 victory over
Neumann Goretti, they’ll be playing on ESPN U under the Friday night lights
against their all-time archrival, Norwood Fontbonne Academy.
The Prep will take on Hillard-Davidson this Saturday in the Kirk
Herbstreit Classic. The game will be played in Ohio, and a mass of Prep fans
will be in attendance. Our prediction: 35-28 in favor of the Hawks.
Cardinal O’Hara will also be taking part in this Classic as well. They
are set to play the Cardinals of Colerain on Friday night. O’Hara quarterback
Tom Savage will almost definitely lead the Lions to a devastating 42-10
loss. Key Players: Stud prospect Mark Muto for Cardinal O’Hara and
Eugene Clifford for Colerain.